Some
time ago, my thoughts, by its own will, strayed far away from me and drifted towards
my brains ‘Out of Bound’ area of life’s eventual inevitability. It was not that
I had recently witnessed or even experienced that situation at that time, but my
mind just wandered- a careless move - to my own eventual ‘The End’: Death. Momentarily my heart jump twice in my chest and
my pulse quickened! This reaction lasted
3seconds, but were I to be in my 50s it was enough to throw me into a lethal
shock. That reaction could be none other than Fear…a fear of ‘kicking more than
just the bucket’. A fear that when I pass away ‘My Own’ world- as I view it, my
own thought process, ‘my own’ rational, MY OWN ‘ALL’ will seize to exist from that
day, forever! kai! What a jolt!
I was
able to rein in my wandering thoughts as fast as possible, and successfully buried
it 66ft below brain level, until I was recently reminded of the IT, by the
words of a septuagenarian close and dear to me. That ‘Jolt’ again, so fresh, so
new…still there.
His words,’ I have lived my life and now my only fear is in death’.
In my small mind I had always believed that people
who have seen the world, accomplished much, and are blessed with old age, yet
cursed with aging pains, would be eager to go to meet their Maker and rest
peacefully; apparently I have thought wrong. There is fear in dying, even in
old age it is clear and present.
The thought that the aged, even the fulfilled
ones, hold fears about their final depart from earth troubled me and I reflected,
‘why die?’, ‘why all the entire life’s struggle
to achieve much more than we can even contain when in the end it is from dust
to dust…nothing added! I laboured with my thoughts, deeply considering why shouldn’t I just do the little
I can for Me; put in no more effort required, and enjoy more? Live and sustain
the immediate things that concern ME basically, ‘because in the end I won’t
know anything after! But could that still stop the Jolt that I associate with
fear for my end?
It is
a fright of a 'subconsciously' suspected emptiness. I later realized that no
matter how prepared people of the modern and old religion say they are about
meeting their Almighty there is still this uncertainty that is laced
with fear in their minds somewhere. No matter how these individuals have successfully
encapsulated their consciousness about a 'joyous after life', 66ft below that
their perception is a 'fear'…
Question: Are These religious clergies-icons of our faith immune to this reaction
too? Answer: Humanly I would say No, but we have successfully buried that thought with
a mile long of beliefs, delusions and notions, and decided not to think about it.
There
is a certain jolt that comes with that thought of The End-it is realistic-, and
I do get scared! I know some people will want to quote some verses of the Holy
Book to me, but please do not get me wrong, I am not loving life way too much-
even though I do, but I just worry that everything that 'means' Me will be over! JOLT!!!
